Love In a Headscarf by Shelina Zahra Janmohamed

I am not sure whether this counts as a womens studies book or not - for the purpose of Women Unbound. It is non fiction, a diary type book but not academic. Introspective- yes; Intellectual - no; which is fine because it more about the author's spiritually lead journey of self discovery more anything. 

I am glad I read it, but I am not sure I enjoyed it. There was a lot of repitition, but I think that is because what the author had to say was so important to her that she kept saying it. The other problem I had is that although I want to try to understand her, I have no faith. I do not believe in any god, so it is hard for me to relate to her journey. Except I do have a deep sense of personal morality, and try very hard to live my life authentically, honestly and with integrity, (don't I sound pompous?) so that a lot of what she writes does make sense. I do think that what she writes is sometimes profound, (it is also sometimes trite,) and that there are a lot of things that would be familiar to anybody who has done any sort of therapy, self examination or 'trying to find oneself.' It is just that her self examination happens within the context of her faith. 

The books starts out about a young Muslim woman who is beginning to look for a husband. It is not about a woman desparate to pair up, but who acknowledges that that is what most of us want, so why not admit it and go for it? She explains the process as it happens in her culture very clearly, although I did feel that I was sometimes in an Islamic Studies lecture. I don't think there is anyway around that as a writer. There were things I didn't know, and she was informing me.

Her family and community are very involved in the process of helping her to meet eligible young men. She tells of many meetings some of which just made me cringe. What a process to have to go through! Apparently there are a lot of rude young Muslim men out there...but then again, maybe their families are coercing them into the process of looking for a wife as well. I found it rather telling that she eventually marries a man she has met at an event where they obviously share a common interest.

But the point of the book is not her search for marriage, as she tells it. It is more of a search for who she is, which is a question that she has to answer in order to answer  the next one, "Who do I want to marry?" She is not a woman waiting for a man to define her. She does talk a bit about her choices, and feminism, and how so many people seem to think that her role as a Muslim woman, and her decision to wear hijab means that she is either oppressed or a religious fanatic. This is something that seems to come from within her community as well as without. And it is something with which I quite agree.

To go off on a bit of a tangent, I find it ridiculous that western society would see the hijab as a sign of oppression, but not see page three girls in the same light. Both pictures illustrate a history of sexual control of women. In some cultures where religion is the dominant force, women are oppressed. They are forced to cover up, so as not to be sexually available to men in general. But men still control them. In some western cultures, women are expected TO BE sexually available to men. This is called sexual liberation, but this kind of freedom is not liberty in any true sense. Being able to make the choice about your actions is closer to liberty than being free to conform to your culture's expectations regarding your sexuality. However, I do acknowledge that there are accusations of  indoctrination from feminists, that women make some decisions because they have been brainwashed. I don't accept that. Or rather, I do accept that, but think it is less important than feeling as though you have made your own choices. The important thing when you make a decision, is how you feel about it. Our choices are based on our own experiences, and others should not deem to tell us why we think what we think. I recently read an article in the National Geographic on the FLDS (Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, in other words, the Mormons who practise polygomy). A lot of women choose that life. They choose it because it offers them something. It doesn't benefit everybody, and problems arise if somebody wants to leave, but is prevented from doing so. Again, it comes down to choice. I find it very easy to believe that Shelina would choose to wear hijab, and could still be a thinking, whole human being, who is not oppressed.

Anyway, back to the book. One of the things which I found to be an important point in this book, was Janmohamed's ability to seperate culture and religion. I hate the fact that mainstream western media presents us with a narrowly defined view of the rest of the world. Muslim women are those ones dressed in black, living in the desert, crying to Allah because another bomb has just gone off. While this is a tragedy, it isn't the only reality, any more than those Amish women dressed in black and white riding in horse drawn buggies in Pennsylvania are the only reality for Christian women.  Or the ones dressed skimpily in too high heels, getting pissed on a Friday night is the only reality for young urban women.

I actually found a lot of what she had to say important. "...the rules of my culture had told me to pursue marriage at all costs and to subsume my own mind and instincts to the process. Instead, I should have trusted my fitrah, the inner conscience that the Creator has put into each of us to recognise what is right, and to assert what is our due...My right was to be treated with courtesy. My culture has belittled the self-respect I should have had for myself. On the other hand I saw that my religion offered respect to me, telling me to trust that voice inside myself." p 98

Having said that, I am still not sure about this book. I think it probably could have been half the length and said the same thing. Perhaps her intent was to lure in the reader with a hint that the story was about romantic love, and then sort of introduce her message. I don't particularly like her writing style, which is not really a style at all. I found myself jumping over paragraphs and skimming a lot, as it did get a bit boring at places. It is all the thoughts that she had on her journey, presented to us as it was a journey. These thought were all part of her process, but we each have different journeys to make, and reading about somebody else's was a bit tedious.  I probably would have preferred her to present her ideas in a more direct and concise manner. But then again, that's just me. :-)